Watch that for that left turn just before Margueritaville

That sneaky one, just on the other side of those palm trees, you can barely see it, but damn if you don't make that slight adjustment to the right to head on towards parrots and tequila and loud patterned shirts, you just might end up in that little slice of hell known as Micro-Management City. I was obviously either adjusting the lei around my neck or looking for that salt shaker that rolled under the front seat and missed it, because bam...I looked up and instead of swaying palm trees and white sandy beaches, I found myself face to face with tall forboding sooty steel towers, mounds and mounds of papers and this voice that chimes in, every few seconds, tolling off endless lists of tasks, directions, comments, critisms and demanding status reports on every item being scribbled on an endless whiteboard. IM windows opening everywhere around me, is this done yet, did you do that, I need an update for, bing bing bing, that annoying little chime keeps going off and there is no CTRL-ALT-DEL feature anywhere here that I can find. And somehow, the exit out is under construction and the detour route is littered with mountains of laundry baskets, lists of calls to be made about insurance and rental properties and the like. The phone off to my left is endlessly ringing and HELL keeps comes up on the caller id. Sock drawers are mysteriously being emptied the moment my back is turned (Sahara...STOP THAT) Somebody is obviously allowed the elephants from the zoo to make potty stops in the litter box on an hourly basis (Py..BAD CAT) and I cannot even beseech Calgon to take me away because the last person in the shower left the lid off the bottle and it all spilled down the drain.

And while I do understand that a number of the people around me, the Big Guy and my boss in particular are under more than usual stress, I am presenting this open letter to them and others around them to state my position on the recent and rather unpleasant change of direction that has kicked me out of Margueritaville without so much as a flip flop to my name.

Everybody---

While I understand that certain situations you all are in have resulted in the loss of control of your environment, I must humbly request that you stop, cease and desist, forgo, halt and generally knock off all attempts to assume control of me. I did actually get up and dress myself this morning, without directions, help or other constructive assistance. My shoes, they are even on the correct feet. I can and do, on a daily basis, find my way to work and back again without getting lost. I can use the bathroom without written instructions. I know how to answer a telephone, write an email, mail an envelope and even fold a letter to go into that envelope. I can operate a fax machine, a printer, a copier and 9 times out of 10, a pair of sissors without causing myself and those around me bodily harm so step by step instructions are not required for every instance of use. And that includes IM'ing me all day about said things when we are both in the office and calling me about them when you are working off site. I am still the same individual I was last week, or last month when you had all the confidence in the world that I could do my job and more without ever blinking an eye. So it is really not necessary to dictate an email to me over the phone to somebody we deal with on a daily basis. It is truly not necessary to ask me, what I am typing if you hear my keyboard, require an immediate answer regarding why I have opened a pill bottle or explain why I am taking three advil unless you really want to know exactly why I have this never ending migraine. I know what shelf the dishes go on, what drawer the socks need to be put and damn, I can even work the washer with a fair amount of skill. The papers stacked on the ironing board will be put away, but since I just set them down there, give them a moment to rest, absorb their new environment before rattling their sensitivities and uprooting them yet again. I put dinner on the stove so I know it's cooking, I know the difference between cooking and burning (although sometimes I will admit, it is a narrow difference) I can actually figure out what to fix for dinner without getting a blow by blow inventory over the phone and as God as my witness, the next time I hear the phrase, my mother makes it this way...you will be finding out how expensive it is to have an ER doctor surgically remove the Skillet of Enlightement. Although I haven't decided whose head it's going to be bounced off of yet.

And yes, I can sympathize, nobody likes to find themselves out of control of situations and their surroundings, but the answer is to not focus down on every step I take, every breath I breathe. The answer is to face whatever is stressing you out and smack them/it senseless. The key here is to stop whatever is frustrating you and correct the situation at the source, not to try and reclaim your control of your surroundings by passing the stress forward. Today is the first day of the rest of your life, make it an effective one by taking back control of your space. Mine is already spoken for. I am really anxious to get back to Margueritaville so if you don't mind, I'll be hunting up those flip flops and heading back that way. And yes, I know how to put them on once I find them. I am officially declaring my personal space as a no micromanagement zone. Offenders will be rolled in sugar and staked out for the ants.

Sincerely

Tink's Happy Disposition


Wow....I feel so much better now. Now if I could only figure out a way to keep my phone from ringing or my IM from nagging until it's time to go home.....

Disclaimer: In the Big Guy's defense, he is a jewel of a husband, the love of my life, and the best father any woman could imagine having for her children. I would not trade him for anything in the world. His boss, on the other hand, who is the demon currently pulling the puppet strings on life around my wonderful man needs a serious attitude adjustment.